North Korea is Best Korea ~ HOTELS

we’ve had the April issue of “Time Out New York” lying around at my apartment for some time. A few days ago, I picked it up and noticed a rather fantastic ad for a travel agency, Koryo Tours, on the back cover. It promised me “the trip of a lifetime” to “Asia’s best kept secret.” Where exactly did this group wish to send me? North Korea.

I thought it was a joke at first. Some weird viral marketing campaign for shampoo or detergent or something, piquing my curiosity with an impossible website to generate hits for some American corporation. I went to my room and opened my browser, slightly annoyed that by visiting the site I’d be lending legitimacy to an ad campaign seeking to capitalize on “Web 2.0” and “the Twitters” and all that. Or, I thought, maybe the magazine was just trolling me. Was print ad space that cheap nowadays? But no, I went to the site, and it was real. Somewhere out there, in this crazy world, there is a company turning a profit by sending tourists to North Korea. So I decided to make a highlight reel. I mean, if North Korea is good enough for Justin Bieber, it’s good enough for me.

Ryugyong Hotel in Pyongyang, one of the largest and most beautiful hotels in the world.

The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, Wikipedia tells me, is “the world’s most isolated country,” “a totalitarian Stalinist dictatorship” with “one of the world’s worst human rights records.” The country has also “suffer[ed] from constant famines which have killed millions.” Already brimming with excitement for my North Korean adventure to begin, I went to the pricing section of the Koryo Tours website. Tours, priced in North Korea’s preferred hard currency (the Euro), generally range from $1500 to $2000 in USD.

It costs two grand to go to North Korea?! What gives? I checked the website’s FAQ. Koryo Tours set my mind at ease, patiently explaining, “The tours are extremely good value for money because they are all inclusive. We employ the best guides and pack the itineraries with exciting places to visit and things to see. We provide the best possible tour itinerary and our experience tells us that if you cut any corners you end up missing the best sites and get a second grade trip. We are aware that tours are expensive but the basic reason for this is that tourists to the DPRK are obliged to have a full service package.” I am glad that Koryo Tours only has my interests in mind and wants to ensure I have a full service package.

Full service package: Being herded around with a dozen forty year-old dudes.

But, how is the food in North Korea? Will I be able to eat three square meals a day? I’ve heard a lot about famines in the country, akin to China’s shortages under Mao. What is it really like? “DPRK is a country that has suffered severe food shortages over the last decade and western NGOs have been operating in the DPRK for many years.” Oh. “The food situation for the normal people of North Korea is still in a critical state, the supply of food still barely reaches the demand so the situation is still tenuous and malnutrition is a serious problem.” Oh… “However as a visitor and guest in the DPRK you will be well fed with 3 meals a day including meat and fish. The food in DPRK is far from fantastic but is not too bad, some meals are very good and some are just good enough.” Oh! That’s ok, I guess.

North Korea actually has way more electricity than this. They just don't use it in a show of solidarity.

The advertisement also lauds North Korea’s “revolutionary opera,” grand, majestic affairs detailing the vibrant history of Korea under its Eternal President. For instance, A True Daughter of the Party “tells impressively of the heroic exploits of Nurse Kang Yon Ok, a woman fighter who devoted her youth and life without hesitation to the Party and the Leader and to the revolution during the Korean War against the U.S. imperialist armed aggressors.” Or we have Kim Il-sung’s own Sea of Blood which “reflects the burning hatred of the Korean people against Japanese imperialists which turned the country into the sea of blood, their firm determination to revenge upon the enemies a hundred and thousand fold, their confidence in the revolutionary victory and their ardent aspiration after building a new society. The revolutionary opera Sea of Blood opened a new history of creation of genuine operas.”

This chart displays how many aces Kim Jong-il shoots per 18-hole round of golf.

What about interaction with other people in North Korea? One of the most rewarding and exciting parts of any trip to a new place is seeing how people there live, talking to the locals and getting a feel for a totally new culture. “You are free to attempt a dialogue with a local but do not be surprised if they are not interested in talking to you. However it can be very rewarding when you do manage to make some human contact.” Well, I’m sure there are at least some expats, right? I mean, I’d at least like to talk to someone other than the handful of tourists I’m with. “There are now around 140 resident foreigners in Pyongyang excluding Russians and Chinese.” Oh well. I guess I’ll just wander around. Take in the sights, see what interesting and varied things I can find in North Korea. “There are many restrictions on the movements of foreign visitors to DPRK. You basically have to be accompanied wherever you go (you can however stroll in the grounds of the hotel without your camera!)”